nothing much

When I have been away from movement for a long time, I come back. I lie on the floor and address my body with attempted kindness, curiosity and ever-present attention to breath. I return and try to allow myself to do so. I go away, I come back into view. And so it is with writing. All along, the brain spins. But I've been neglecting the catching, the shaping, the sharing. I come back. I sit at the table and address my words with attempted kindness, curiosity and ever-present attention to breath. I remember Natalie Goldberg and Writing Down the Bones. I heed her advice on cutting through resistance and judgement and fanfare. I write quickly, three drafts. Here is the writing that happened this morning…

"Nothing Much"

An everyday day dawns in the middle of a long stretch with little variation. The morning progresses. I put on glasses and grungy pants and take the dog for a walk. Snow spritzes the ground, a nice touch. The dog looks at me, I look at her. In the kitchen, I brush her. She stretches out for a long belly scratch before breakfast.

I make coffee, a pair of smoothies. Afterward, I fill the blender with warm water, some lavender soap, and watch it spin on high. On a cold day—today—I pull off the lid and steam rises elegantly from the frothy, soapy milkshake.

I gaze out the window into winter. A decorative plastic heron perches in the yard across the street. He catches me off-guard. He's in my line of sight so much, he's real. I clean an everyday clean. Hot water, rubber gloves. Apple, pear and ginger peels push down the drain. The water runs as I flick the garbage disposal. It groans and grunts, metal against metal, choking, whirring, threatening to end it all.

It doesn't.

I flick the disposal off and hear the sudden silence. My husband works soundlessly in the other room. The day breaks. The scent of raw ginger rises like a phoenix from the drain. A fresh "hello." A remembrance, an afterthought. A parenthetical "hallelujah."

I pause, a split-second. "Keep going," I say. Then, "yes" to whatever it is.